P90X

I've started the famous P90X this week. It is going very well so far! It is challenging and I have to modify just about everything, but I'm always getting a good workout.
The first day was Core Synergetics, and that workout kicked my butt! I have never ever worked out that hard. Then yesterday was the less intense Cardio X, and I was still pouring sweat. This is so good for me. On the days I workout, I am less likely to eat foods that are bad for me because working out makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel strong and like I can say no to bad choices. I did have a small candy bar that was not on my plan yesterday, but I figure with the activity POINTS I'm earning on Weight Watchers, it's covered.
That's another thing. I'm not sure if I'm getting enough food on Weight Watchers to be doing this workout. I may need to modify a little bit, adding more carbs and protein and whatnot. I don't want to crash and I don't want to starve my muscles.
I have never ever been athletic in my life. I just want to throw that out there! I've never been a part of a sports team or done any kind of prolonged physical exercise program. I ran up to a 5K last fall, and that shocked me! I have never seen myself fit or athletic. So if you don't think you can do it because you've never tried, that's a lie! Everyone has to start somewhere.
I do have a little trouble with motivation when it comes to starting the workout. They say that motivation is like taking a shower: you need to do it more than once in a while. Basically motivation needs to be put on daily. That's why I have inspiring quotes on my fridge along with an action plan and my goals.
Also, for the first time yesterday, I saw myself lean and fit. I never thought I could be that way, but I saw it in my mind's eye. And THAT is motivating! If I keep believing that it is possible, that is motivation to keep trying and succeeding in the end!

New Wind

I've gotten my second wind! I sat down and did some soul searching after watching a program about obesity last night. I wanted to nail down whether or not weight loss is something I really want for my life. I also wanted to count the risks and discomforts it would cause, and I decided it was very much worth it.
I love food. I know I had hypothyroidism and that's what caused me to balloon to 191 pounds, but I was also eating atrociously. I found a before picture I had my husband take at my heaviest...wow. What a second wake up call. If I don't get things straightened out and in gear, I will be right back where I was, or worse. I need to deal with my relationship to food. I definitely use it as a comfort. I need to find other ways of finding comfort during the stressful times.
All in all, I feel good right now. I feel like I'm getting things back on track and I'm heading in the right direction.

Back and Forth....

I am having trouble now staying committed to Weight Watchers. I'm down to 170, which is 21 pounds lost. That's great! But I feel like I'm in this weird limbo area where I don't know what I want. It's like my goal is so far away and the food is so tempting that I'm slipping back into denial. I really want to lose this extra weight....for GOOD! I need other ways of finding comfort and stress relief besides eating. I need to come to grips with what my eating is doing to my body; I need to come out of denial. This is very frustrating for me.