Off the Wagon...Again.

Ugh. This is a hard post to write because I'm admitting my failure, but I have been totally off track for the last week and a half. I ate what I wanted and didn't exercise a minute. And the weird thing is, I don't know why. Why fall off like that?
Tonight I just really was thinking about how I'm not happy with this weight and how I'm not proud of the job I'm doing, and I am like, why not get back on? I recall a quote that says, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts". I need to summon the courage to get back up and try again.
The thing that gets me is that I haven't been one hundred percent committed to this. It's not just about losing weight either--it's also about being healthy and comfortable in my own skin. I need to make exercise and eating right as second nature as breathing. Even when I fell away this past week I was always thinking in the back of my mind,"I can't believe I'm eating this right now!" it sickened me. I literally felt nauseous. So why do it? Why sabotage myself? It's silly.
So tomorrow it begins--tracking, jogging, resistance training, choosing healthy food. I think I'm going to do p90x twice a week and jogging 4 times per week, simply because I love to jog and I'm motivated to do it. Also I need to jog first thing in the morning (one because it's so hot!). It's a great start to my day and I won't be falling into excuses about not doing it later on.
Long post! I had a lot to say, though. So here's to another shot--and I'll work on staying committed this time.

New start

I feel like I haven't posted in a while. I almost gave up eating right and exercising a few days ago. It's hard! But I instead decided to take it up a notch and start P90X over again on the harder version. I'm on day 2 and I'm so glad I didn't give up!
I also gave myself some new motivational tools (thanks to Pinterest). One is a jar that has 35 rewards written on slips of paper, such as a bubble bath, no chores for a day, and two of them are piercings! When I lose a pound I randomly pick out a reward for myself. I also have two jars, and one has 35 gems in it. Every time I lose a pound, I move a gem over to the second jar. It's like a more tangible way to see my weight loss.
I also have a motivational page on Pinterest that I pin pictures on that inspire me in my weight loss goals. Mostly women that look like how I want to look. I've definitely got a new focus! And it feels great.

Short Term Goals

I decided last night that I need to create some short term goals. I want to lose ten pounds by the end of August, followed by ten pounds every month and a half after that until the new year. If I stick to these mini goals, I will reach my goal by then. I'm just tired of halfway doing this. I need to put a fire under me so that I can stay focused. I have definitely plateaued and I know it's because of my eating. It's not out of control or anything but I do eat more than my points allowance most of the time. So it's time to really focus on some short term, attainable goals. 

On Shaky Ground

This weekend has been weird. On Friday my husband and I went to a lake and I ate Dorito's for the first time in months; then we went kayaking for two and a half hours. On Sunday I had Baked Lay's chips and too much cereal, but I did my P90x cardio. Then tonight I ate 3 slices of french toast and 5 strips of bacon...then went running for 20 minutes in hot weather. It's like I'm torn. I'm so used to this healthy lifestyle, yet my body still craves the old food. The only thing I can think to do is choose to not have the unhealthy stuff. I threw out the Baked Lay's bag (which was almost half full). What's wrong with Baked Lay's? Nothing...except I can eat the whole bag in one sitting!
The book Weight Loss Boss by the president and CEO of Weight Watchers talks about managing your environment. He says that willpower is HIGHLY overrated. If you manage your environment (ie. throwing out the chips, not frequenting fast food places, keeping lots of fresh fruits and veggies in the house), then it is much, much easier to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I suppose that's what I have to do, which is what I've been doing except for this weekend. I need to get back to the "no junk food" thing, put on motivation every day, and do my exercises in a timely manner (I have a habit of skipping them if I wait too late in the day). Just refocusing.

Been doing good!

I wanted to update on how I am doing, which is really well! I've been tracking my food and doing my P90X every day. You have to take it one day at a time. One good day turns into two, which turns into a good week.
I said no junk food until I'm done this workout series, and since Special K Chocolately Delight is a good source of fiber, is made with whole grains, and isn't overwhelming with the chocolate, I'm adding it to my list of snacks. When I get a sweet tooth, I eat plain fresh strawberries with fat free whipped topping, frozen green grapes, and bananas. Yet I wanted something that could satisfy that chocolate itch while being a good source of nutrients. I have that in Special K!

Bad Weekend

This weekend wasn't so good weight loss wise. We went out to dinner on Friday and I had more to eat on Saturday and Sunday than I should have. I think my problem is I didn't track my food. But today I'm back on the straight and narrow.
I almost didn't do P90X yesterday because we had company, but at ten o clock pm my husband convinced me to do it. I'm so glad I did! It makes me even more ready to do it today. He's starting it today! I am so excited to have a workout buddy.
I've learned that one of the biggest keys to successful weight loss is learning how to bounce back from mistakes. They will happen, and if you let them weigh you down, you wont go anywhere. Every new day is a chance to start over fresh! Take advantage of it.

One Pound down, 34 to go!

My weight loss has been slow going. It's been about 11 months and I've lost 16 pounds. That's because I've kept regaining it and losing it again. Since I've been losing weight the lowest weight I got down to was 167, which is 7 pounds lighter than I am now. So, with that said, I can say that I have gone three whole days without junk food. And I've lost one whole pound! I've been keeping up with P90X. I even requested a page on pinterest so that I can pin motivating quotes and pictures to it. I am serious about this. When I say no junk food, I mean I didn't even steal a fry off my son's plate last night. What made me decide to make the change? To be honest I really don't know. I've wanted to lose the weight I put on postpartum since it happened, but three days ago something just clicked. My mom said that if I want to see results I really need to stop with the junk food, even if it is in my POINT value range. I had a talk with my husband after that and just decided that it sounded like a great idea. Whenever I would eat junk and then think about exercising, I'd think,"what's the point?" Now I can't wait to exercise after I eat because I know I've put in healthy fuel.
Saying no to junk food is hard. Very hard. The first night after I decided this I went camping with my sister and her family. They had smores of course (what kind of camping adventure doesn't include smores?). I ate a whole bag of baby carrots that night because I wanted some chocolate SO badly!! But I woke up the next day beyond proud of myself, and that is worth just about anything.
Another point and then I'm done. It's not nearly so hard saying no to foods that are bad for you and your waistline when you keep the goal in mind. If you forget the finish line, the race seems to go on indefinitely. I reminded myself as I crunched on a carrot that I'm not doing this to be mean to myself or to deprive myself. I'm doing this because I know what I want, and anything worth having is worth making changes for. I also realize that the true treat, food wise, is giving your body something it truly craves: health.

Update

I haven't blogged in a while, and I wanted to give an update on how my progress is going. I'm on day 15 of my second bout with P90X (I had to start over because my schedule got screwed up). But it's going pretty well. To be honest, some days I just feel like I can't make it through a workout. There is like a mental block there. Maybe I just don't have full confidence that if I stick to the plan I'll see the results, which is so silly. Tons of people have success! I am no different if I really work at it.
I decided to stick with Weight Watchers plus a little bit extra. It helps me recover from my workouts without breaking the "bank". You need to eat more if you exercise intensely or you will starve your body, and that's no good.
I can't remember where I heard it but there's a quote that says naturally thin people eat less than overweight people. That has inspired me countless times when I have wanted to reach for food for whatever reason. It reminds me like a little jolt what I'm really after. Another good quote that has helped me is the happiness that comes from eating begins and ends in your mouth; the happiness that comes from being healthy begins and never ends. I have a whole sheet of motivational quotes that I wrote down to help me when I'm tempted to derail. I still make mistakes-I think I always will. But I don't beat myself up about them. I forgive myself and try to let each new day be a chance to do it right. I just have to take it day by day, decision by decision, and I'll be fine.

Pretty Good So Far

Tomorrow is day 15 of P90X and I am doing my best workout wise. The eating is hit or miss, but that will hopefully change soon. I am pushing play every day and I'm going to keep it up until day 90. My schedule is going to change soon but I really do not want to quit this workout program. I want to see it through and that takes commitment and motivation, which I have to renew every day.

P90X

I've started the famous P90X this week. It is going very well so far! It is challenging and I have to modify just about everything, but I'm always getting a good workout.
The first day was Core Synergetics, and that workout kicked my butt! I have never ever worked out that hard. Then yesterday was the less intense Cardio X, and I was still pouring sweat. This is so good for me. On the days I workout, I am less likely to eat foods that are bad for me because working out makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel strong and like I can say no to bad choices. I did have a small candy bar that was not on my plan yesterday, but I figure with the activity POINTS I'm earning on Weight Watchers, it's covered.
That's another thing. I'm not sure if I'm getting enough food on Weight Watchers to be doing this workout. I may need to modify a little bit, adding more carbs and protein and whatnot. I don't want to crash and I don't want to starve my muscles.
I have never ever been athletic in my life. I just want to throw that out there! I've never been a part of a sports team or done any kind of prolonged physical exercise program. I ran up to a 5K last fall, and that shocked me! I have never seen myself fit or athletic. So if you don't think you can do it because you've never tried, that's a lie! Everyone has to start somewhere.
I do have a little trouble with motivation when it comes to starting the workout. They say that motivation is like taking a shower: you need to do it more than once in a while. Basically motivation needs to be put on daily. That's why I have inspiring quotes on my fridge along with an action plan and my goals.
Also, for the first time yesterday, I saw myself lean and fit. I never thought I could be that way, but I saw it in my mind's eye. And THAT is motivating! If I keep believing that it is possible, that is motivation to keep trying and succeeding in the end!

New Wind

I've gotten my second wind! I sat down and did some soul searching after watching a program about obesity last night. I wanted to nail down whether or not weight loss is something I really want for my life. I also wanted to count the risks and discomforts it would cause, and I decided it was very much worth it.
I love food. I know I had hypothyroidism and that's what caused me to balloon to 191 pounds, but I was also eating atrociously. I found a before picture I had my husband take at my heaviest...wow. What a second wake up call. If I don't get things straightened out and in gear, I will be right back where I was, or worse. I need to deal with my relationship to food. I definitely use it as a comfort. I need to find other ways of finding comfort during the stressful times.
All in all, I feel good right now. I feel like I'm getting things back on track and I'm heading in the right direction.

Back and Forth....

I am having trouble now staying committed to Weight Watchers. I'm down to 170, which is 21 pounds lost. That's great! But I feel like I'm in this weird limbo area where I don't know what I want. It's like my goal is so far away and the food is so tempting that I'm slipping back into denial. I really want to lose this extra weight....for GOOD! I need other ways of finding comfort and stress relief besides eating. I need to come to grips with what my eating is doing to my body; I need to come out of denial. This is very frustrating for me.

Falling off the Wagon

Ugh...I gained so much weight the past two weeks and I didn't track a single item last week. I just stress ate and didn't pay too much attention to what I ate. I need to be single-minded about this. No more excuses.

Bad Week

This week has been tough. I've been reintroduced to my nemesis, stress-eating. I ate more than I was supposed to almost every day! I reverted back to my old ways surprisingly quick, and it bothers me.
I want to be in shape. I want to look good for my husband. I want to lessen my depression in any way possible. I keep going back and forth on this, and I keep slipping up.
I'm reading a book called Made to Crave by a woman named lysa terkeurst. It tackles over eating and health from a Christian perspective, and as I am seeking God out and desire a relationship with Him, this is a good choice for me to read. It talks about how our addiction to food (let's just call it what it is) is a deep problem that requires a deeper motivation from God to break. We were made to crave God above all else, and food is just a convenient substitution.
I want to get to the root of my issues. And as Dave Ramsey says, ninety percent of solving a problem is in realizing there is one. I have a problem with food and exercise, and with God's help, and in time, it will be corrected.
One practical thing I can do is exercise when I'm stressed instead of eating. Exercise is a great stress reducer.

Getting it back

I lost 3.8 of the 4.6 pounds I gained two weeks ago. Yay! Once you do what you need to do, your body responds.
P90X came in! I'm so ready to start. The only thing is that it comes with a nutrition guide that would have me eating a lot more than I'm used to. The idea is to give fuel for your body so that you can make it through the workouts well. I really want to get the most out of this program, so I may try their nutrition and see how it works out.

Bad week...

Today was my weigh in day...I gained 4.6 pounds. That is INSANE!! I took a break this weekend and fudged a little this week. But I had no idea it was four pounds worth!
It makes me wonder how committed I actually am. This week was hard, really hard. I had temptation staring me down everywhere. And because I'm not very overweight, I figure hey, I can relax a little. Nope! I can't, and this proves it. What's worse, I can't work out for a long time because I have a joint problem in my low back, and until it heals I can't do anything strenuous.
This is an opportunity for me to recommit. Now I know what happens when you relax-you gain the weight back. So now it's points values only. I need to track all that I eat-no more fudging. Hopefully next week will be good news at the scale.

Cheating

I didn't track my food Friday night or all day Saturday. I was on a mini vacation with my husband and I decided to take a break. Bad idea. I didn't eat anything outrageous, but it made it hard to get back on the wagon on Sunday. I think that if I'm seriously going to do this, I need to do it ALL the time. It messed with my mind, eating whatever I wanted for only two days. But I'm back on track now. Live and learn!

He's Proud

Last night, my husband told me that he was proud of me! He said that my resolve in this weight loss journey has been great and that it makes him proud of me. That meant so much to me, and it makes me only want to keep going. No matter how hard it gets, comments like that make it beyond worth it.
We're supposed to be getting p90x in the mail today-that's my next challenge. I really want to do all ninety days, yet I'm so nervous! I don't think that I can do it. But realistically I can. I've just never even tried anything like this before. I'll take it one day at a time.

Little bit of loss

I lost another pound this week. It's not much, but I'm happy that it's going in the right direction.

Exercise

I've been exercising for the past two days. I did the weight room, elliptical for ten minutes, and then treadmill for ten minutes yesterday. Then I jogged for twelve minutes and walked for eight today. It's not a whole heck of a lot, but I just want to start moving before we get p90x next week. I'm ready. I realize that I can't lose this weight by diet alone and I'm ready to get myself in gear. I want something intense and diverse, something that will give me results. I've always said that my goal is to do all 90 days, and it still is.

Fitness Flop

Ok, so the scale was .6 higher than I thought, not a big deal. I still lost 1.4 pounds. I also didn't weigh in during the early morning which is when I'm at my lightest.
So...I haven't walked in about a week. I got bored with it. I feel kind of guilty that I'm not exercising, but not too much because I have a plan. My husband and I are going to order P90X in the next week or so-we've been planning to for months. I'm totally ready to commit to whatever I can do of it. If I can legitimately only do 5 pushups, I will do them well. I don't want to psych myself up too much because then I think I'd be less likely to succeed. My goal is to do all 90 days well, so I have to realize I'm going to be starting out slow. It's like when I was jogging-I was running a 5k within 3 weeks to a month! But then I quit so easy because it was too much too soon. It also wasn't a set part of my schedule, which I plan on doing for P90X. My plan is to wake up around 7 or 7:30 am everyday, eat breakfast and then do my workout a half hour later at 8 am. The only problem I forsee is that my son might wake up during that time and then what? We'll have to see how it works out, I may have to change the time to after lunch when he takes his nap. I'm just a morning person, though.
Okay, anyway, my goal is to make fitness a part of my everyday life. It's a challenge!

Steady

My home scale says 169. 169!! That's 2 more pounds lost. But it's not the most reliable scale so I need to wait till tomorrow and weigh in at the gym.

I can't believe it!

I just can't believe I've lost twenty pounds. That's amazing. I never thought I could do that! I've just focused on each pound and I turn around and wow! I've still got thirty more pounds or so to go, but I'm already almost at the halfway mark of my weight loss journey!!

Weight Watchers Works!

I lost another 3.2 pounds this past week! Those tweaks really worked!

Taking it slowly

I've been walking for the past three or four days. It's part of this plan I found on the weight watchers website where you gradually introduce interval training into a thirty minute cardio routine. For two weeks I have to walk thirty minutes a day, and over the next twelve weeks do intervals of both walking fast and jogging. By the end of it I'll be jogging thirty minutes three times per week.
Why am I taking this so slowly now? Well, even though I was jogging longer than thirty minutes, I was not consistent. I see this as a way to slowly build exercise into my daily routine so that it becomes an important and regular part of my life. Also, this slower plan helps to build your leg muscles so that you can run without injuring yourself. And lastly, this program puts an emphasis on rest and strength training. In a few weeks I'll only be walking/jogging three days per week-the other three will be used for cycling and weights. The seventh day is for rest.
I don't know how I'll do on it because I feel like I'm not doing enough. We'll see what the scale says and how my body responds. If I don't see much difference in two or three weeks, I may need to step it up.

Tweaks

So I weighed myself, and I haven't lost a single ounce since Monday. I think it's time for some tweaks.
First of all, I have been eating my daily points PLUS my weekly points. With weight watchers you get 49 extra points per week to spend if you want. At the end of the week I have no points left. I think I would see better results if I stuck to just my daily points. Another change is my sodium intake. One of my favorite snacks is salsa and chips. But there is SO much sodium in them, and I think it's making me retain water. So now I'll be paying attention to that. Lastly is my exercise. I need to do 14 points worth of exercise every week. I've done 9 this week so far. Just to give you an idea, 10 minutes of jogging is 2 points. So I figure if I do 3 points per day, five days a week, that's 15 points. Once I get back into it, then my weekly points will go up for exercise.
It's all about making adjustments when necessary. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you're making positive changes in the right direction, that's good. If you notice you're not losing the weight like you want to, push yourself. Get out of your comfort zone. That's when we start seeing results.

Out of Shape!

Oh my gosh...these past two days working out have been TOUGH! Especially today...and I only jogged 11 minutes! After three I was about to quit! I'm wheezing and I feel nauseous. This is what taking a two and a half week break will do to you. I am totally out of shape. Before I left for vacation I was jogging 40 minutes-now I can barely do 15. What an eye opener! Hopefully we will get p90x soon and I can really step up and take control of this.

No Holiday Bulge!

Thanks to Weight Watchers, I did not gain any weight this holiday season. I actually lost a pound! Granted I did gain weight before I joined a week ago, but I lost it right away. I think this will really be the key to my permanent weight loss.

New spin

I found a way to eat my very favorite food: pizza. I usually get pan crust with pepperoni...needless to say that's not an option for me now! So I looked on my weight watcher app and found that a thin crust veggie lovers pizza was only 5 points per piece! I love vegetables so it works out great. I thought I would have to say goodbye to pizza forever. I guess not!