Update

I haven't blogged in a while, and I wanted to give an update on how my progress is going. I'm on day 15 of my second bout with P90X (I had to start over because my schedule got screwed up). But it's going pretty well. To be honest, some days I just feel like I can't make it through a workout. There is like a mental block there. Maybe I just don't have full confidence that if I stick to the plan I'll see the results, which is so silly. Tons of people have success! I am no different if I really work at it.
I decided to stick with Weight Watchers plus a little bit extra. It helps me recover from my workouts without breaking the "bank". You need to eat more if you exercise intensely or you will starve your body, and that's no good.
I can't remember where I heard it but there's a quote that says naturally thin people eat less than overweight people. That has inspired me countless times when I have wanted to reach for food for whatever reason. It reminds me like a little jolt what I'm really after. Another good quote that has helped me is the happiness that comes from eating begins and ends in your mouth; the happiness that comes from being healthy begins and never ends. I have a whole sheet of motivational quotes that I wrote down to help me when I'm tempted to derail. I still make mistakes-I think I always will. But I don't beat myself up about them. I forgive myself and try to let each new day be a chance to do it right. I just have to take it day by day, decision by decision, and I'll be fine.

Pretty Good So Far

Tomorrow is day 15 of P90X and I am doing my best workout wise. The eating is hit or miss, but that will hopefully change soon. I am pushing play every day and I'm going to keep it up until day 90. My schedule is going to change soon but I really do not want to quit this workout program. I want to see it through and that takes commitment and motivation, which I have to renew every day.

P90X

I've started the famous P90X this week. It is going very well so far! It is challenging and I have to modify just about everything, but I'm always getting a good workout.
The first day was Core Synergetics, and that workout kicked my butt! I have never ever worked out that hard. Then yesterday was the less intense Cardio X, and I was still pouring sweat. This is so good for me. On the days I workout, I am less likely to eat foods that are bad for me because working out makes me feel good about myself. It makes me feel strong and like I can say no to bad choices. I did have a small candy bar that was not on my plan yesterday, but I figure with the activity POINTS I'm earning on Weight Watchers, it's covered.
That's another thing. I'm not sure if I'm getting enough food on Weight Watchers to be doing this workout. I may need to modify a little bit, adding more carbs and protein and whatnot. I don't want to crash and I don't want to starve my muscles.
I have never ever been athletic in my life. I just want to throw that out there! I've never been a part of a sports team or done any kind of prolonged physical exercise program. I ran up to a 5K last fall, and that shocked me! I have never seen myself fit or athletic. So if you don't think you can do it because you've never tried, that's a lie! Everyone has to start somewhere.
I do have a little trouble with motivation when it comes to starting the workout. They say that motivation is like taking a shower: you need to do it more than once in a while. Basically motivation needs to be put on daily. That's why I have inspiring quotes on my fridge along with an action plan and my goals.
Also, for the first time yesterday, I saw myself lean and fit. I never thought I could be that way, but I saw it in my mind's eye. And THAT is motivating! If I keep believing that it is possible, that is motivation to keep trying and succeeding in the end!

New Wind

I've gotten my second wind! I sat down and did some soul searching after watching a program about obesity last night. I wanted to nail down whether or not weight loss is something I really want for my life. I also wanted to count the risks and discomforts it would cause, and I decided it was very much worth it.
I love food. I know I had hypothyroidism and that's what caused me to balloon to 191 pounds, but I was also eating atrociously. I found a before picture I had my husband take at my heaviest...wow. What a second wake up call. If I don't get things straightened out and in gear, I will be right back where I was, or worse. I need to deal with my relationship to food. I definitely use it as a comfort. I need to find other ways of finding comfort during the stressful times.
All in all, I feel good right now. I feel like I'm getting things back on track and I'm heading in the right direction.

Back and Forth....

I am having trouble now staying committed to Weight Watchers. I'm down to 170, which is 21 pounds lost. That's great! But I feel like I'm in this weird limbo area where I don't know what I want. It's like my goal is so far away and the food is so tempting that I'm slipping back into denial. I really want to lose this extra weight....for GOOD! I need other ways of finding comfort and stress relief besides eating. I need to come to grips with what my eating is doing to my body; I need to come out of denial. This is very frustrating for me.

Falling off the Wagon

Ugh...I gained so much weight the past two weeks and I didn't track a single item last week. I just stress ate and didn't pay too much attention to what I ate. I need to be single-minded about this. No more excuses.

Bad Week

This week has been tough. I've been reintroduced to my nemesis, stress-eating. I ate more than I was supposed to almost every day! I reverted back to my old ways surprisingly quick, and it bothers me.
I want to be in shape. I want to look good for my husband. I want to lessen my depression in any way possible. I keep going back and forth on this, and I keep slipping up.
I'm reading a book called Made to Crave by a woman named lysa terkeurst. It tackles over eating and health from a Christian perspective, and as I am seeking God out and desire a relationship with Him, this is a good choice for me to read. It talks about how our addiction to food (let's just call it what it is) is a deep problem that requires a deeper motivation from God to break. We were made to crave God above all else, and food is just a convenient substitution.
I want to get to the root of my issues. And as Dave Ramsey says, ninety percent of solving a problem is in realizing there is one. I have a problem with food and exercise, and with God's help, and in time, it will be corrected.
One practical thing I can do is exercise when I'm stressed instead of eating. Exercise is a great stress reducer.